Hard

So, the world has gotten a bit hard again.

I suppose the world had never been quite so pink and rosy, but of late it seems as if there are often people, friends, through no fault of their own, intent upon reminding me of just how rough and jagged the world really is.  Well, for some or a few, there might be some fault.

Many would walk away.  I have been told by some that perhaps I should.  The me that I am currently cannot.  I am not sure how much I would be redefined if I were to do so.  Or more accurately, warp myself into someone capable of doing so.  Because such a decision would alter me.  For now, I shall continue to plod along.  At least this time, I believe I am better equipped to deal with these reminders of life’s harshness.  All I really have control over is to be genuine.  Is to continue to be exactly who I am and do exactly what I feel to be right.  The current downside is I really do not know what it is I should be doing.

On a separate note, at least this time, I still feel like working.  In fact I finally started using time managing tools again and actually keeping track of when things are and what I am supposed to be doing/get done.  But I also still like sleep and am not emotionally bereft.  I suppose this is largely due to me coming closer to accepting that there really is nothing that I can really do.  I still cannot accept, cannot understand why these things have to occur.  Why there is so much terrible things.  So much hard.  But incremental improvements right?

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No Longer So

Is it enough,
just holding on to hands
Gripped tight,
through and through

One more day, one more night
She whispers, into ears
closed with tape

Fingers interlaced,
the punch was laced
The crazy things that people do
To each other, to one another
To themselves

Is it enough, just holding on to pieces
Left in blankets pulled tight,
through and through, through and through
To one more day, to one more night

She whispers softly, wake up
Dear mine, wake up, please just one
Once more, grip my hand
Just be, again

Again, one more time,
With me, one more time,
Again, bright eyes that remember
The faces, the names

She whispers softly, wake up
Dear one, wake up, please, just once
Once more, hand in hand
Just together, once, again

Is it enough, just holding on to hope
Pulled around close, even when
Everything is no longer
No longer so.

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Not sure if people know, but I actually hate that I write lyrics/poetry/stories like this.  This heavy, pessimistic, depressing stuffs.  Even when I am not personally heavy/pessimistic/depressed.  Well perhaps just a little bit so.

But, better let out than kept in, I suppose.  Or that is the line I shall tell myself for now.  I really should get in the habit of writing out my thoughts more frequently/consistently again.  They are starting to turn into a self-jumbling mess.  Too much running around without direction.